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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421420">Toy soldiers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieNera/pseuds/ZombieNera'>ZombieNera</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>World Trigger (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild Language, References to Depression, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:47:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieNera/pseuds/ZombieNera</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In his trion form his steps were always little lighter, and his heart easier to bear.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Toy soldiers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! I've posted this work formerly on my account on FFnet, and now I decided to rewrite it and post it here. English isn't my first language and I'm sure there are typos and grammatical mistakes, please let me know about anything too distracting to help me improve :3</p><p>Thank you for you interest on my work, peace and love &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lately, Miwa had found himself wandering around the forbidden zone increasingly often. Not patrolling, not looking for fights to pick nor enemies to kill - just taking simple, leisure walks around the wreckage zone that was crumbling down more and more everyday.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t really know why. If he had so much time to waste, he could’ve used it to something worthwhile; there were plenty of training in his schedule, both solo and with his squad. He could even take a couple excessive defense duties to ease someone else’s burden. Not to mention all the schoolwork sitting on his desk untouched - he absolutely shouldn’t just be strolling around doing nothing. Yet, there he was.</p><p> </p><p>He was fully aware of every minute wasted, and frankly, he couldn’t care less.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa kept steady but slow pace as he proceeded through the downright miserable scenery. Houses were torn from their foundations, roads completely plowed and dried vegetation ran wild swallowing the ruins. A nearly drained river ran through the neighborhood, its banks unkempt and a crossing bridge crumbled down to dam most of the flow. Miwa crossed the river with a one trion-polished leap.</p><p> </p><p>He always found his steps leading to a one specific direction, to a certain residential area near the very center of the forbidden zone, nowadays dubbed as “sector C”. He knew it was stupid - to keep going there, knowing full well what it did to him. But he couldn’t stop his feet. He couldn’t stop his heart from pulling him back home.</p><p> </p><p>He arrived to a small park with a playground. Grass and weed had completely taken over the area in four short years.  It had never been that fancy or big - but enough to fulfill the needs of a few dozen children in the neighborhood. Children with stars in their eyes and not a single clue of the calamity their future had held.</p><p> </p><p>Something crunched under under Miwa’s boot. He shook the splinters of a faded plastic toy off his sole.</p><p> </p><p>He sat down leaning to an almost fallen apart slide. A rusty old swing screeched silently in the wind. Overgrown grass soughed calmly, like the nature wasn’t aware of the tragedy occured in that very park, along the whole city. Or maybe it knew. Maybe the nature was just making use of the damage to claim back a little of what once was stolen. After all, the nature seemed to be even more sentient of its surroundings that humanity itself.</p><p> </p><p>Only four years after the tragedy humanity had succumbed back into a bliss of security, thinking they had gained an upper hand. They thought they were safe, as if the world as they knew it couldn’t end tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then next week. Maybe next month. Next year. There were only a handful of people who knew they were never truly safe as long as the threat existed in the multiverse.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa was one of those people. He was a Border agent, rank A - and as a squad captain, he was one of the first ones to know when shit was about to hit the fan. And when he walked around the HQ after such a meeting, seeing the happy-go-lucky recruits and enthusiastic, fresh B-ranks gushing with pride and spirit, he couldn’t help dark thoughts rising on his mind. All those people would be terrified to death when facing their first, <em> real </em> trion soldier. Only after being baptised in fire they’ll realize what it truly meant to be a Border agent. It’s almost never what they thought it would be - not a roleplay of being a hero, not a glorious daydream of standing over a mountain of enemy carcasses - it’s something very real, far from the training simulations. Many tend to overlook that, get scarred for life and quit - some might get hurt, or even die. Some will become like him - using their hatred to strive forward, looking for a revenge.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa leaned his head to his arms. Gentle breeze danced around the empty park, eery and silent. He, too, used to play almost everyday in that park. With other children, his friends. With his sister.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa clenched his teeth. Nowadays all those children were severely traumatised, parentless or dead, maybe all three. Some had became Border agents, rest had moved as far, far away from Mikado city as ever possible. That’s how it was - how much everything had changed in just four short years.</p><p> </p><p>It took a little while for Miwa to even register the alarm - he blamed the place and how it brought up distracting thoughts (but knew that as a Border agent he should have been more alert) - and by then, a dark gate had already formed and spat out three ugly Marmoids. They immediately started to crawl towards him as he was the only clean trion source nearby.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa was technically off-duty, but he was inside the forbidden zone in his trion form - meaning that he had to take care of the shit if shit needed to be taken care of.</p><p> </p><p>He let out a profound sigh and didn’t hurry to his feet. Just a half a year ago he had been rushing to kill every single neighbor he ever crossed paths with, gaining huge satisfaction as his sword tore through their armor. Now he just pulled out his gun and took a simple, clean shot through the closest one’s trion container. He crouched down a bit, grabbed the hilt of his Kogetsu and waited for the other two to lunge at him. The battle was over in less than half a second.</p><p> </p><p>He sheathed his sword and watched as trion leaked to the ground from the Marmoids. He gave a small kick to one of them, letting out a dry huff when its armor cracked as nothing was keeping it together anymore. He left the carcasses for some on-duty squads to deal with. He needed to hurry back - it was time to <em> officially </em>start his duties.</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>He slashed the air where Yosuke had just been. The next second there was a spearhead lodged into Miwa’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>The simulation ended and the door to the training room opened. Operator Tsukimi Ren gave a slight nod to the two inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Shall I run another simulation?” she asked.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa shook his head. “No thank you, this’ll be enough for today.”</p><p> </p><p>He deactivated his trigger and stepped out, feeling Yosuke’s gaze burning into his neck. Miwa tried to escape the confrontation, but a hand on his shoulder rolled him around and forced him to face his friend.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, you okay?” Yosuke asked, deactivating his trigger too. His expression was hard to read - his trademark smile was there, but his eyes flickered with slight concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah”, Miwa assured with a nod. “Just a little tired.”</p><p> </p><p>A twitch of Yosuke’s eyebrow told he wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t push any further. Miwa quickly claimed his favourite sofa - he had plenty of time before the defence duty, he could squeeze in a quick nap. </p><p> </p><p>Miwa heard no footsteps, as Yosuke had not moved from his place. He has seemed quite dumbfounded, and frankly, little surprised for the result of their spar. It wasn’t uncommon for Miwa to lose to Yosuke - but it never, ever happened so quickly. They had pretty much equal footing on close combat, so spar matches were always challenging. Miwa knew he had been unfocused and sloppy - and he knew that Yosuke had noticed it immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke huffed, and seemed to unfreeze back to himself. “So, cafeteria, anyone?”</p><p> </p><p>Kodera and Narasaka both agreed, and Ren politely excused herself. Miwa was already half asleep on the sofa - he would just grab something quick from the vending machine before the duty. His <em> “just a little tired” </em>, had been some colossive sugarcoating as he had been dead on his feet for the whole day, but he was sure a little nap would fix everything.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take a long for him to start to twitch and turn.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa was back there. In that house, in which place only stood the torched ruins nowadays.</p><p> </p><p>Now it was whole again; all with well kept yard, an old Toyota in the garage and a heartfelt neighborhood granny watering her garden behind the fence.</p><p> </p><p>He was home. With his whole family still safe and sound. Sky clear and sunny, lawnmower purring somewhere nearby.</p><p> </p><p>And a black gate ripped open, striking the ground with burning heat and crackling lightning. The fires, panic, screams - all of them were back, hammering his skull and crushing his inside.</p><p>She was right there. His sister, laying on the hard asphalt, as rain washed her blood into the sewers. <em> He </em> was right there, the one who coldly pulled Miwa away from his sister, no matter how much Miwa pled and begged him to save her. The one who, with his ever so calm and collected voice, had said: <em> “There’s nothing we can do for her. She’s already gone.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Miwa startled awake in cold sweat. It took a while to register the blanket draped over him and the dimmed lights of the squad room. Ren’s computer monitors flickered as she worked on something on her desk, sound-muffling headset keeping her full focus on the task at hand.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa sat up, letting out a shaky breath. He wiped his forehead and sunk his head into his hands. Just then the door slid open and all lights flashed on, as rest of their squad returned. Yosuke was laughing and pokin Kodera, as Narasaka just sighed and followed them like a run-down parent herding children in a toy-shop.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome back”, Ren said without looking away from the screens or removing her headset. “You’ll have a defence duty in ten minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa glanced at the clock. It was that time already? It meant he had been sleeping for almost an hour. He pushed himself up little too quickly and had to lean back to the sofa to steady his head.</p><p> </p><p>Kodera’s sniper eyes noticed immediately. “Hey, you ok?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Miwa quickly shook off the lingering dizziness and stood fully. He was actually feeling better, the sleep had done its work. “Which sector do we have?”</p><p> </p><p>“C”, Ren answered, fixing Miwa a slightly apologetic look.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa just nodded. He knew Ren tried to avoid having their squad to cover that area, but it always couldn’t be helped. Miwa didn’t mind it that much anymore - he basically went there everyday anyway, so how could it be any worse?</p><p> </p><p>According to the Border regulations they should always have a squad meeting before a defence duty, but they usually just skipped it unless there had been sightings of something out of ordinary. As they walked through the hallways of the HQ, Yosuke pulled Miwa little behind from the snipers.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, we can just cover the shift if you wanna sleep more”, Yosuke said, keeping his voice down since even smallest sounds echoed through spacy hallways like a drum orchestra of apocalypse.</p><p> </p><p>“No need”, Miwa waved the clear concern of his squadmate and friend off. “You’re welcome write my report though if you’re in dire need of extra work.”</p><p> </p><p>“In your dreams”, Yosuke scoffed with a grin, slapped Miwa’s back and caught up to Narasaka and Kodera.</p><p> </p><p>Squad 7 activated their triggers simultaneously and took off for the very familiar, ruined district.</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>Later, he found himself sitting on his usual spot on the HQ roof.</p><p> </p><p>The defence duty had been fine. No incidents, no alarms or gates. No need to proceed to <em> that </em> part of the district. Even the three Marmoid carcasses had already been collected.</p><p> </p><p>It had been fine. Really. But as soon as he was done with their nearly empty report, Miwa had excused himself from the group.</p><p> </p><p>He wrapped his red scarf more closely around his neck. Wind so high up had a biting chill to it despite the warm sun. But the wind wasn’t the only source of coldness he shuddered from.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t had nightmares about the first large-scale invasion for a little while now. Why had they started again?</p><p> </p><p>From the edge of the roof he could see almost the whole forbidden zone. Border HQ’s huge shadow loomed over it, as it was the tallest and the most absurdly-dully designed building in the whole city. Miwa could distinguish the sector C and that more-of-a-jungle-than-a-park -park. Sector C wasn’t the only damaged district - pretty much the whole center of the forbidden zone was flattened to ruins. The edges of the zone were much better with standing buildings and structures that could be utilized in combat - perfect for defending the lively city outside the forbidden zone.</p><p> </p><p>Someone cleared their throat behind Miwa. It was not needed, since the door hinges creaked loud enough to announce any comer, but it was a considerate gesture nevertheless. Though it would’ve been way more considerate for them to just turn around and disappear back inside - Miwa didn’t wanna socialize with anyone at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>Especially not with <em> him </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Figured you’d be here. Can I come?” Jin Yuichi said, a statement shaped as a question without being a real question at all. A bag of those disgusting rice crackers rattled as it was pushed into a pocket.</p><p> </p><p>“No”, Miwa answered even though he knew it was futile. Jin always did what he wanted, no matter what anyone said.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a big roof, one would think we’d both fit. Maybe I need to lose some weight.” Jin’s tone downright radiated easiness as he came to stand next to Miwa. </p><p> </p><p>Miwa would’ve loved to deck him across the jaw just to wipe out Jin’s trademark, smug grin that he knew Jin was sporting, even without turning to face him. Instead, he kept staring at his feet which dangled over the edge of the roof, over the dizzying fall to the forbidden zone. The height hadn’t really bothered him for a long time now.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” Miwa snapped as enough time had ticked in silence. “For me to save your precious protegée’s ass again?” He let out a dry laugh as he reminisced the last time Jin had come to him on the roof. It had been a grand manifestation of the power of Jin’s<em> side effect </em>, and a clear indication of the control it gave him. Miwa, along with the other agents, had been moved around like some goddamn board game pieces.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” The carefreenes made Miwa’s blood boil.</p><p> </p><p>He turned to face Jin, whose gaze was deep fixated to the horizon. Was he watching the scenery in front of him in the present moment - or in the future of it - nobody could really tell.</p><p> </p><p>“Then what?” He spat out like the words were poison. Like the whole conversation with Jin made his insides turn and agitated his breathing to the point he felt no oxygen actually reaching his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>Because it did. Miwa was easily irritated - but Jin held the record. Many agents tried to speculate the reasons behind Miwa’s burning hatred for the self-dubbed “power elite”, but none came with any reasonable theories. Everyone knew Jin had his weird quirks and could be - frankly - quite annoying at times. But at the same time Jin was highly liked and respected by everyone - he held seniority over pretty much everyone, not to mention his significant skill. He was nice and friendly to all, no matter their rank. It was difficult for many to understand how anyone could hate Jin <em> that </em>much.</p><p> </p><p>Jin held his hands up in surrender, but his trademark smirk never left. “Calm down Shuji, I just wanna talk. You’ve been hanging around the forbidden zone awfully lot, haven’t ya?”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa gritted his teeth and turned back to the huge drop below. It should’ve fazed him even a little - the building was so tall that falling off would be fatal even in trion form. You’d be extremely lucky if you only ended up in a hospital with every bone broken but still breathing. Without a trigger - well you’d feel wind thrusting at you for a few seconds, blood escaping your veins before your final destination. And there he was, legs dangling over the edge like he was sitting at the side of a swimming pool.</p><p> </p><p>Jin cleared his throat a little. Miwa heard him shifting on his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you gone to <em> that </em>place?” Jin asked after a short silence, uncharacteristically toneless.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa just huffed. “I’d figure you should know.”</p><p> </p><p>There was another pause, highly unusual for Jin. But soon he chuckled. “You haven’t. I don’t need any side effects to see that.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa wanted to ask the point of the conversation, but that would’ve meant keeping it alive. So he kept quiet, thinking whether he’d face consequences for punching a fellow Border agent.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you maybe should”, Jin said.</p><p> </p><p>It caught Miwa off guard. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“It could do good to let go of the past”, Jin shrugged, “and, I dunno, this is just my guess but I’d think she’d want you to visit her.”</p><p> </p><p>What. <em> What the actual fuck </em>was Jin even talking about?</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you”, Miwa hissed, his eyes narrowing to slits. He had been to her grave every week for four years. He had visited, alone, wishing the time would turn back just enough for him to <em> do something </em> before that Marmoid spike had pierced through her chest. He had visited. Even when his parents couldn’t because it <em> hurt so goddamned much </em> - he had never forgotten his sister who died just to protect Miwa from that ugly-ass space insect.</p><p> </p><p>The sheer shock made Miwa lose his center a bit, and he felt his balance shift towards the drop. He caught himself quickly, squeezing the edge with white knuckles, fury shaking his core. What the hell was up with Jin, bringing up his sister like that? </p><p> </p><p>Why was he even there? Didn’t he have some neighbors to hug? Some invaders to welcome? Some crybabies he calls his juniors to beat in shape? There was no reason for Jin to be there, tormenting him. Jin rarely even showed up to the HQ, much less when off duty. The last time that ever happened was when…When...</p><p> </p><p>Miwa’s blood froze. Suddenly, the drop below him started to stretch much longer, the horizon tilting under him. The last time had been when Jin saw something in Miwa’s future. A certain, alarming<em> possibility </em>. Could it be that… Jin saw one now?</p><p> </p><p>Miwa scrambled of the edge and marched past Jin. Door slammed shut as he rushed to the staircase, hand held over his mouth as he tried to keep his breathing in check. He couldn’t stop the cold, hollow feeling that spread inside him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He had already gone through that crap. He wouldn’t consider it anymore. He had his squad, he had Border, all the reasons not to… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The truth was that situations were highly changeable. And it did terrify him.</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>The following night was even worse than usually. He barely got a wink of sleep, and when he did, the scenery was back there like a Border battle simulation: his only sister, lifelessly bleeding to the cold hard ground.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> There’s nothing we can do for her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She’s already gone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Come on. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s not safe out here. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She’s gone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dozens of arms were grabbing at him, trying to pull him away. He held on with all of his might, but couldn’t get a good grip of the ground, slippery from rain and blood. He was pulled away, as more and more trion soldiers flooded the streets.</p><p> </p><p>Acceptance was more difficult than swallowing glass. He knew she was dead, he knew where they’d set her gravestone. He knew the exact spot she’d died in - he’d been there, helpless and desperate as her life bled away.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t the worst - seeing it happen all over again. Even worse were dreams and memories from the time before the invasion. He felt himself disconnect from the reality, and just for a few seconds, he could remember how it felt to have his whole family still intact. And then he tore himself free from the delusion, leaving him back into his dark room gasping for air, skin clammy from cold sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Wiping his hair that was plastered to his forehead, he sat up, shivering. He had his alarm set at 5am anyway, it didn’t matter if he got up 3 hours earlier.</p><p> </p><p>He decided to take a little walk. In the forbidden zone, in his trion form. As you do when you want to think without any disturbance.</p><p> </p><p>The rush of power flowed through him as he activated his trigger, and just like that he was leaping over rooftops, almost flying over the sleeping city. Streetlights and trion enhancements together granted him a perfect night vision. The trion form made him feel almost weightless, yet strong enough to lift a truck. It made his steps always little lighter no matter how much weight he carried. </p><p> </p><p>It did so with his heart too. Trion pulsed steadily through it, bumping more and more energy to his body with every beat, the rhythm so steady, so <em> alive </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa arrived to the park. Grass swayed slightly in the night breeze, full darkness hugged the little broken playground. </p><p> </p><p>Miwa picked up the plastic sand toy he had crunched during yesterday’s small hours. It was a some sort of a smiling animal, and it probably had belonged to a child with a smile just as bright. He set it on top of the slide, and retreated to stand under a huge oak tree that used to offer shadow for the parents watching their children play. </p><p> </p><p>He let out a deep sigh and dropped down leaning to the trunk.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa never went past the park in sector C. He had missions and defence duties in the sector, but even then he avoided one certain street like a plague. He wouldn’t even look at it, let alone set his foot on it.</p><p> </p><p>That’s where his house was. Had been. Now it was just a pile of construction material, along with every other house in the row. Also, that’s where his sister was maimed to death by an overlarge, remote control insect with spikes and blades and armor, an appearance of a something crawled out of the deepest pits of Hell.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa’s family never recovered from that. How could they? How could anyone? Mikado city was full of stories just like his. Yet people dared to think it wouldn’t happen again. That the Border agents were some invincible force able to take on the whole multiverse without risking anything, just because they had triggers. They had trion forms to protect them, so fighting neighbors should be a piece of cake, right? Nobody wanted to remember the true face of the invaders Border agents faced daily. </p><p> </p><p>It just proved that no-one could fully recover from what happened four years ago.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa turned his back to the park and walked away. He had a bunch of time before rest of their squad would arrive around 7am - he could do a few rounds of solo training and plan some new combat strategies for the squad to try out. Miwa hadn’t gotten almost any sleep, but he had gone through days with even less. He was sure he could just do it again.</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>As the world started to form back around him, his eyes fluttered open to meet the roof of their own squad room. He felt numb all over. His head pounded. Miwa sat up, trying to steady his rapidly spinning vision. Something had happened, but he couldn’t exactly focus his mind to it. His thoughts were all blur, it took awhile for him to even recognize the time of the day.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa pushed the blanked off and let his gaze circle around the room. He spotted Yosuke, sitting on a nearby armchair with a startled expression, phone almost dropping from his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Miwa asked, his tongue heavy and speech little slurred from sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” Yosuke asked in return, putting his phone away.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Miwa massaged his temples. “I’m f-”</p><p> </p><p>“No, seriously. Are you okay? You’re not gonna faint or puke or anything?” Yosuke’s tone was uncharacteristically serious, and it reminded Miwa of his confrontation with Jin yesterday. Yosuke’s stern gaze held not a glimpse of his usual cheery smile, which made Miwa’s heart drop.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa stared at him. “I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke let out a deep, tired sigh and sunk back to the soft chair, folding his arms behind his head. “What happened was that you fainted. In a meeting. Nice going.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” It all came back to him. He had crashed in the worst possible place - in a meeting hall with all the commanders and A-rank captains present. Nice going indeed. Miwa didn’t remember which one of the commanders had been preaching their usual lecture when all speech and sound had started to blur in his ears. Next one to go had been his vision, as black dots slowly took over from edges to the center. Then the unceremonious fall from his chair. The awkward silence and the foggy memories of him being helped - half carried - back to their squad room.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck.” Miwa rubbed the bridge of his nose. There’ll definitely be some frowning upon him in the near future, he didn’t need a Jin Yuichi to tell that. “And the meeting?”</p><p> </p><p>“Narasaka went to fill in for you”, Yosuke said. “Kodera’s at the firing course and Ren’s on a lunch break, so its just us here right now. Tell me - what’s going on with you? When have you last slept through the whole night? Or eaten a full meal?”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa leaned his head to his arms, pulling his knees close. He couldn’t face Yosuke. He hadn’t gotten through even half a-damn-day. He was slipping - hard.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m worried man”, Yosuke’s voice was barely above a whisper. “There’s this pattern I recognize. Again.”</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke could be carefree and happy. He could play a little dumb sometimes, but he was actually very smart and perceptive, more than people gave him credit for. After all, he was a close range attacker of an A-rank squad, someone who had to make a split-second assessments and act on them just as quick in combat. And, he had known Miwa for years, there was no way for Miwa to try to deny what Yosuke had said, because Yosuke would see right through it. </p><p> </p><p>“I know.” Miwa’s fists clenched tightly. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>For some reason, he remembered a certain birthday present he’d gotten from his sister a long, long time ago. A sand toy with a smiling lion.</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>Miwa skipped the defence duty without a fight. His feet carried him to the roof, but insted of his usual spot on the edge, he sat on the floor leaning to the railing, facing the door instead of the view below. Small droplets of rain dripped around on the roof, but it didn’t really bother him as he could barely feel it through the hood pulled over his head.</p><p> </p><p>“The last time here… Did you see something?” Miwa didn’t like how weak his voice was, almost getting swallowed by the air. But if Jin was going to loiter around him like an indelible stain, he might as well confirm a thing or two.</p><p> </p><p>Jin stayed silent for perhaps the first time in the history of the multiverse, just leaning to the edge arms crossed, gaze far away in the scenery. The rain didn’t faze him at all as he was wearing his trion form. Miwa wanted to punch him more than ever before.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa let out a huff. “Nevermind. Just-”</p><p> </p><p>“I saw a possibility”, Jin finally said, not looking down at Miwa. “Not a clear vision, but a possibility.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa had thought the confirmation would startle him. Yesterday, one different action, one different choise or set of events could’ve lead to something irreversible. Instead, he just raised his stern gaze from the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“And what do you see now?”</p><p> </p><p>“A possibility.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa clenched his teeth and shook his head. “So that’s why you’re here? To alter the future if it goes bad?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have my side effect for nothing”, Jin stated simply, smiling sadly. “Even if I can’t save everyone, if there’s even one life, one chance… I’ll take it.”</p><p> </p><p>That pretty much confirmed it to Miwa, and the realization that he couldn’t maybe trust his own mind, his own thoughts - it was terrifying. He swallowed a lump in his throat. For a split second Miwa could forget his hatred towards Jin, and almost feel sorry for the burden bestowed upon him. It wasn’t something anyone should have to carry, no matter how much Miwa hated them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not gonna happen”, Miwa said. His voice lacked any conviction, nobody could possibly believe him. But Jin seemed to.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s very good to hear. I’m relieved.” A wide smile spread back to Jin’s face. Though little forced, it was still far more natural than the absence of all emotion on him. “Yeah, that’s very good.” Jin rubbed his neck, letting out an awkward laugh. “Guess power elites and possibilities are sometimes wrong too, yanno.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa had always wanted to prove Jin’s side effect wrong, but he knew it wasn’t the case this time. And Jin knew that too - dwelling there on the roof, with no sign of moving before Miwa would.</p><p> </p><p><em> Well, damn </em>. He should probably go back down and erase that possibility. He got up without a word and walked past Jin, sneakers squelching on the wet roof. Jin made no move or followed him with his eyes. But Jin’s smile never faltered.</p><p> </p><p>“Things will get better. Slowly, but they will.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa didn’t look back, but he knew this was usually the moment when Jin flashed his trademark grin and pointed at his temple.</p><p> </p><p>“My side effect tells me so.”</p><p> </p><p>There it was. Miwa let out a huff and shook his head a little, but didn’t slam the door. Jin’s side effect was the most bizarre thing - something completely incomprehensible, something out of this world. But the thing that struck the most irritation in Miwa was that he felt a little bit reassured by it. And of course tried to deny the thought the moment it popped to his head.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t going to let Jin have the satisfaction of being right. <em> Again </em>. Because the damn guy already knew and was probably busy smirking into his collar. </p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>When his blade slid through the armor of a trion soldier, he felt more alive than in days. Trion fired in his veins, energy crackled inside him like fireworks. He grabbed his pistol, shot a couple precise bullets into the next target and finished it off with a quick slash of Kogetsu.</p><p> </p><p>All enemies vere down, carcasses scattered around the dusty street. Yosuke offered an enthusiastic fist bump and Miwa complied. The snipers lept of the roofs to reunite with the twin snakes.</p><p> </p><p>“Whose turn is to write the report?” Yosuke asked, leaning his spear over his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Kodera’s”, Narasaka said, and the person in question groaned.</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke slapped Kodera sympathetically on the back. “Well, better get to it if ya wanna be done by the nightfall.”</p><p> </p><p>Normally the reports were short and <em> extremely </em> summarised (mostly due to laziness) and Border let it slide for A-ranks if nothing worth noting had happened. But if one, let alone <em> two </em> huge gates opened at the same sector, they could count on that Border wanted to know <em> every single </em>detail.</p><p> </p><p>The snipers threw their rifles over their shoulders and headed back to the HQ, bickering something about friendship and help through tough times. Miwa stayed slightly behind.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Yosuke, you mind coming with me for a sec? There’s something I really want to do”, Miwa said with a defeated sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke looked confused for a moment, but quickly shook his expression back to his normal grin. “Yeah, of course.” </p><p> </p><p>They walked in silence. Yosuke asked no questions as they crossed the invisible line from sector D to sector C. They walked to the park and through it. They went right past the big oak to the ruined residential area.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa briefly wondered if Jin had seen this happening. Probably, at least as a possibility. It never ceased to confound him how Jin kept a track on everything he saw during a day. Wasn’t it too overwhelming? Exhausting beyond reason? Knowing so much about someone than they had ever let on? Many Border agents had some significant skeletons hidden deeply in their closets - and Jin probably had seen them all.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa let out a sigh as he laid his eyes to the street before him. He could remember the houses and yards just like yesterday. Lawns mowed with a precision of a millimeter. The fancy car of their neighbor. A friendly cat roaming house to house for snacks. His childhood best friend down the street whom he never saw again after the invasion, he wondered what had happened to him.</p><p> </p><p>He recognized his own house perfectly, even when there wasn’t really anything left from it. Crushed garage door revealed the equally crushed Toyota, a Bamster had probably broken through there in it’s frenzied search for trion. Then there was their little driveway, cracks filled with overgrown weeds. 4 years had worn out the blood from the asphalt, but he knew the spot, dreaming or awake.</p><p> </p><p>“This is the place”, Miwa said, struggling to keep his voice calm. “Right there. Right there my…”</p><p> </p><p>A hand landed on his shoulder. Yosuke didn’t say anything, nor Miwa turned to look back at him, but the simple gesture conveyed more than any word could. Sometimes Miwa thought he didn’t deserve a friend as good as Yosuke.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa took a deep breath as he stepped closer to his house. He let his hand rest on the remains of their iron front gate, his fist clenching around a bar.</p><p> </p><p>“Trigger off.”</p><p> </p><p>The trion in his veins was sucked quickly back to his heart. His uniform and sheathed weapons dissolved in the air, leaving him with his very normal, human body. A body that bled blood and not trion when struck with a bullet or a claw of an interdimensional monster. A body that couldn’t repair itself in seconds when losing a limb or wasn’t able to withstand the weight of a collapsing building. Without the Border logo on the back of his hoodie and his squad insignia on the front, no-one could tell he was anything more than a normal, 17-year-old boy with a trauma.</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke had an alarming expression. “Um, Shuji, you shouldn’t-”</p><p> </p><p>“Just for a little while, ok.”</p><p> </p><p>He took off his red scarf. Just like the plastic sand toy, it had been a gift from his sister. Years ago he had frowned at the bright color, not knowing it was the last thing she would ever give him. He wrapped the scarf around the the gate pillar. Secured the knot tightly and took a few steps back.</p><p> </p><p><em> I’m home, Aiko </em>.</p><p> </p><p>His body felt incredibly heavy. He was so, so tired. He fought the urge to collapse on his knees and bang his fists to the dusty ground. He didn’t feel like mourning, he didn’t feel like crying - what he wanted (no, needed) right now was to thrust his Kogetsu through as many trion soldiers as the whole fucking multiverse held. He was going to kill them all, ‘till none remained. Maybe then they would finally be safe.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa reactivated his trigger. He felt the immediate change - his body, his mind, his heart - all little easier to bear. He was no longer that helpless child that could only cry as the enemy closes in. Now the power hugged him, the fire burned inside his heart. Now he could fight - and <em> damn, he fought </em>. Every day, every way - he would stop only when every single neighbor has been destroyed.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa let out a huff to collect his thoughts. “Let’s head back. Kodera’s gonna need help with that report.”</p><p> </p><p>They walked slowly in silence. They could get to the HQ just in seconds using the BAIL OUT -function, or they could use the roofs as a shortcut, but neither one of them was in a particular hurry to get to write the novel about their rather eventful shift.</p><p> </p><p>A familiar alarm tore through the silence. Back lighting struck the ground just a street away from them, and a dark gate split open. A white shell of a Bamster pushed through the gate and dropped to the ground, crushing someone’s left-behind greenhouse. Two of it’s kind followed through.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa immediately drew his Kogetsu and flashed a rare smile at Yosuke. “Ready?”</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke spun the spear in his hands. “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>Miwa hated them, he absolutely <em> abominated </em> them. But all that hatred, all the anger; they were a concrete part of him now. He sometimes lost his focus and took reckless actions because of them. They were a handicap, comparable to the feel of being shot with his <em> lead bullet </em>; but they also held a big part keeping him on the track. Keeping his mind at his goal.</p><p> </p><p>As much as he wanted to go back to the past, he couldn’t. Nobody could. He had to learn to look little bit into the future as well. Deep down he had always known that, and that’s why the possibilities Jin had seen were wrong. Miwa wasn’t about to let go just yet.</p><p> </p><p>When Miwa and Yosuke charged in unison like the twin snakes they were dubbed as, he truly felt it - his steps <em> were </em> lighter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this brain piece of mine, I hope it was worth your time and you liked it &lt;33</p><p>I have some more Miwa-centric World Trigger stuff planned out, should I try to write it out? :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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